When my daughter Sara was in the fifth grade, she came to me with a problem. “Marcy hates me!” she cried. “Because Kathy is my friend, too. She wants me to be her friend and nobody else’s. You talk to Marcy. You tell her that I want to be her friend, but I can have other friends, too!”

Oh! I looked at her for a few moments, wondering how I got into this mess, when suddenly an idea came to me.

Picking up two baskets from the living room, I explained, “When everyone is born, he or she has a little basket. This little one here is yours. The big one is mine. As you grow, so does the basket. You can see your little basket is inside mine because when you were born, there were too many things you couldn’t do for yourself. I did everything you couldn’t do on your own.”

She nodded.

“Well, as you grew older and began to do some things on your own, I began placing a few more things in your basket. When you learned to tie your shoes, that went in your basket.”

She said softly, “I can tie my own shoes.”

“Right. As you grow older, there will be more and more things you must do on your own.” As I spoke, I gradually took her basket out of mine and handed it to her. “You will finally carry your own basket with things only you can do.”

She looked up at me and said, “I understand. There are some things that I have to do for myself because they are in my basket.”

With a computer or smart phone today, we can make more and more friends, and even befriend people we’ve never met face-to-face. 【小题1】 Aside from modern facilities, how to make friends has been a question of vital interest to people through the ages. But how to make and be a good friend?

【小题2】

Everyone wants to have friends who are loyal and true, but not everyone knows how to have or be such a friend. People who make friends easily are those who express an interest in others and in what they are doing. By asking questions and showing interest in others, you make them feel welcomed and appreciated, helping them feel their efforts are worthwhile. Friendly people will not pass up the opportunity to let others know when they do something well.

A friend is encouraging.

The impact of well-timed encouragement can be tremendous. I can remember talking to a less popular classmate at school after he had a run - in with the class bully. “Don’t worry about him,” I said. “He’s just jealous of your grades in class.” 【小题3】

What a response I got! We began doing almost everything together. 【小题4】 The incident taught me how important it is to show concern, and to this day we are still firm “best friends”!

Be trustworthy.

【小题5】 They are those who can trust and rely on. Do others see you as trustworthy? The way you live your life, the standards you abide by, will create an impression on others. Never compromise your integrity, standards or beliefs because you think someone will not approve of you. If the person is a worthwhile friend, he or she will appreciate your honesty and uprightness.

My son was entering Grade 1. He was a bit nervous because he knew his best friend would not be in his new class. I explained to him that even though his best friend would not be in his class, he would still have some of his old classmates.

On the first day of school when the class list was posted, I was shocked! My son had zero former classmates in his class. None. Not one.

How could this happen?

I asked my friend who works with the Hamilton-Wentworth District School Board. She explained, “Many largely populated schools often shuffle (重组) the kids around each year to encourage new friendships.”

If schools are actively trying to place two best friends in different classes simply to shake things up, I think it is a blunder.

I was lucky enough to attend the same primary school all the way through. It was a small class and our group of students moved through each grade together. We felt like brothers and sisters. It was wonderful.

While it may be good to shake things up a bit in the older grades, it seems almost cruel (残忍的) to separate good friends in the younger grades without good cause.

One mom named Karen says that her son is always starting a new grade without any close friends. At first, she thought it was a good idea. Then she realized one thing—her son does not have a “best friend”, which makes her pretty worried. In fact, she thinks that he does not have any close friends because his classmates are always changing.

Part of a school’s responsibility is to provide a safe and comfortable space for children to learn and grow. If that environment is always changing—causing terrible results—perhaps it is time to rethink this practice.