After a breakup, you might think you’re doing fine until you hear a particular love song on the radio. No matter how much you’d like to stop thinking about your ex (前任), everything is a reminder of the relationship. So, is it possible to erase unwanted thoughts?

The short answer is: maybe. But whether it’s advisable to do so in the long term is a difficult question. In some situations, it makes sense to suppress these unwanted thoughts. In an exam or job interview, for example, you don’t want to feel distracted (分心) by the thought that you’ll fail. And there’s evidence that it’s possible to prevent these thoughts, said Joshua Magee, a clinical psychologist.

In a 2022 study, researchers showed 80 volunteers a series of cards showing different nouns. Each noun was repeated on five different cards. As they viewed the cards, the volunteers wrote down a word connected with each noun—for example, “road” in response to the word “car”. The researchers told the first group they had to think of a new word each time they were shown a card. The second group could repeat as many nouns as they wished. With this method, the researchers tried to emulate (模拟) what happens when someone hears that love song on the radio and tries desperately to think of anything other than their ex.

The results showed that when volunteers saw each noun for a second time, the first group took longer than the second group to come up with a new word—suggesting that their first response flashed into their mind before they replaced it. However, volunteers in the first group got quicker each time they viewed the same card, which showed that the thought they were trying to avoid was weakening.

However, other research suggests that avoiding thoughts can cause the opposite effect. When we hold back a thought, we’re making the thought more powerful by attempting to control it.

In the end, it might make more sense to be careful about these unwanted thoughts and simply wait for them to pass rather than avoiding them.

I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent.

I no longer consider myself the center of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows (誓约)mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends. And they are good to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today.

So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a desire of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. And realize that life is the best thing and that you have no business taking it for granted.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours and our minutes. It is so easy to exist instead of to live. I learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my choice, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all.

I learned to love the journey, not the destination, I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and totally. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned.

By telling them this: Read in the backyard with the sun on your face, Learn to be happy, And think of life as a deadly illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

The news plays an important role in our lives, which has been emphasized even further during the past year. If you find yourself beginning to feel negative impacts from the news, it is the time to start putting protective steps into place.

Control consumption. This includes taking some time out from the media. 【小题1】. For example, do you tend to feel more negative impacts if you read the news when you’re tired or just before bed, or during periods of increased stress? If so, you may wish to limit exposure at certain times of day or in particular contexts.

【小题2】. Never blame yourself for negative emotions. It is your right to feel how you do. In doing so, acknowledge that you have control over your reactions. This can help you feel more empowered to act positively.

Focus on the positive. 【小题3】, try to find some other resources to focus on. For instance, during the current pandemic, the WHO suggests focusing on recovery stories.

Seek support. Contact support groups or health care professionals. It’s important to recognize the value of positive social support and to recognize that seeking help is a positive and strong step. These contacts can also help you find other helpful resources. 【小题4】

What works for one person may not be the best approach for another. Everyone is an individual. 【小题5】. Do not hesitate to seek professional help to guide you through this process.