My family, my wife, Joan, our two teenagers Hannah and Joseph, and I, live in Atlanta with our two dogs.

Ten years ago, we moved into our dream house, a very big three-story home. It was a beautiful place, but as our children grew up, our sense of togetherness (团结) began to disappear slowly. In the big house, we sometimes seemed to be strangers to each other.

One day when Hannah was 14, she became upset about the difference between the world’s haves and the have-nots. She expected us to be “a family that makes a difference in the world, even if it’s a small difference. ” Joan asked her, “What are you willing to sacrifice? Your house? Your room? ” Hannah said yes to both. After talking it over as a family, we decided to sell our house and move to one that was half its size and price and donate (捐赠) the difference to those in need.

After a lot of research, we chose the Hunger Project, a US-based organization. It works with villagers in Africa, Asia and South America and helps them fight against poverty (贫穷). Our money went to pay for building two centers. Each has a meeting place, a bank and a health clinic (诊所). Together, the centers would serve more than 20 villages in eastern Ghana. We also traveled to meet the villagers and were blown away by their hard work and warmth.

To be honest, we were a little worried at first. Would we regard the new home as being too small for us? Or would we think we had given up too much? Two years later, I can tell you: It’s the best move we have ever made. While we worked together on our family project, we became much closer. As Hannah said the other day, “We learned how to really trust each other. ”

For more than six million American children, coming home after school means coming home to an empty house. Some deal with the situation by watching TV. Some may hide. But all of them have something in common. They spend part of each day alone. They’re called latchkey children. They’re children who look after themselves while their parents work and their bad condition has become a subject of concern.

Lynette Long was once the principal of an elementary school. Said, “We had a school rule against wearing jewelry. A lot of the kids had chains around their necks with keys attached. I was often telling them to put them inside their shirts. There were so many keys that it never came to my mind what they meant.” Slowly, she learned they were house keys.

She and her husband began talking to the children who had them. They learned of the effect working couples and single parents had on their children. Fear is the biggest problem faced by children at home alone. One in each three latchkey children the Longs talked to reported being scared. Many had nightmares and were worried about their own safety.

The most common way latchkey children deal with their fears is by hiding. It might be in a shower stall, under a bed, in a closet. The second is TV. They’ll often play it high volume.

It’s hard to get statistics on latchkey children, the Longs learned. Most parents are slow to admit they leave their children alone.

I recently heard a wonderful new parenting phrase that I guess is going to become a regular addition to my vocabulary. The phrase is "benign neglect", and it refers to leaving one's children free to make their own decisions, control their own time, and generally act like adults.

Jeni Marinucci, who first introduced me to this phrase, described how she treats her children almost as if they were hearty houseplants: "They should be watered plentifully and you should ensure they get plenty of sunshine. But otherwise, just let them be." From a young age, her children have been making their own hair and other appointments （after she showed them how to do it）. Similarly, their time is their own to use as they wish. On a lazy Saturday, it's up to them to figure out a ride to the movies and how to make breakfast and lunch for themselves.

The "benign neglect approach" may sound unacceptable to some readers. Indeed, one commenter on Marinucci's article accused her of failing to raise her children at all, which seems a bit uncomfortable. It's true that her approach would not work for everyone, but at the very least she recognizes what so many parents these days fail to acknowledge—that our beloved children will spend a far greater percentage of their lives as adults than they will as children, so we parents forget a basic requirement of our job if we fail to prepare them for that independence.

"Benign neglect" pays attention to the parental side of parenting, and does not focus entirely on the children. However, miracles will only happen if I hand over responsibilities to my growing children. It's like the old proverb: Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.