You constantly find yourself apologizing to a friend when you’ve done nothing wrong. You feel you must obey someone’s demands, or they will be upset with you or even harm you or themselves. An unclear or specific threat is made that causes you to fear that someone will reveal a secret or weakness, so you do what that person wants. Or perhaps a relative is trying to make you feel obliged to do something by saying, “That’s what friends or family do for each other.” They arouse feelings of guilt in you for not meeting their needs.

If you have had experience with any of these cases, then you are the victim of emotional blackmail (勒索). This style of handle controls you through your emotions. Fear, obligation and guilt - FOG - are used by an emotional blackmailer to get what they want from people.

Anyone - a friend, colleague, parent, partner or other family members - could be that person. Their demands are intended to control their victim’s behavior in unhealthy methods. Intentional or unintentional, if your needs are always brushed aside in favor of the other person’s, things need to change.

Dr. Susan Forward identifies six stages in emotional blackmail. Implied or obvious demands come first. “I don’t think you should do things with that person. They’re not good for you.” After this kind of statement, the ball is in the victim’s court, so stage two is resistance. The victim often avoids the blackmailer or suggests alternatives instead of saying no. Stage three is persistent pressure by the blackmailer: “If we were really friends, you’d do it.” Stage four involves threats: “If you don’t do this...then I will ...” The victim doesn’t want the blackmailer to make good on their threats, so obedience, which is stage five, often leaves the victim feeling guilty or resentful. In stage six the blackmailer backs off until the next demand.

What can you do? First, recognize if you are being pressured, threatened or controlled. Stay calm, and stop so you can consider other possibilities. Identify your triggers; don’t be pressured into an immediate response. Offer a compromise (妥协). Tell the blackmailer how you feel, and give them a chance to acknowledge their behavior and change. If they won’t, walk away from the relationship. Under no circumstances should you let your fears be used against you.

From the day we’re born, curiosity becomes a primary driving force that motivates us to explore unknown ideas and territories in search of answers and stimulations. Human beings have an inborn desire to close the “curiosity gap” every day.

A recent study found that curiosity can be a highly effective way to lead people to make smarter and healthier lifestyle choices. Evan Polman, assistant professor of marketing at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, said, “Our research shows that fueling people’s curiosity can influence their choices by turning them away from inviting desires, like unhealthy foods or taking the elevator, and toward less inviting but healthier options, such as buying more fresh produce or taking the stairs.”

To prove the positive potential of the curiosity gap, Polman and his team conducted a series of experiments designed to test how curiosity affected the choices people made positively. In each study, arousing curiosity resulted in noticeable behavior change. For example, in one of the experiments, Polman increased the number of participants who chose to watch a video of academic nature by promising that they would reveal the secret behind a magic trick at the end of the video.

The results of the field studies on curiosity were particularly convincing to Polman. In one field study, the researchers created a 10 percent increase in the use of stairs in a university building by posting trivial (琐事) questions near the elevators and posting the answers in the stairwell. In another, they increased the purchase of fresh produce by placing a joke on the posters describing the fruit or vegetable.

Polman was surprised by the degree that taking advantage of the curiosity gap could motivate people to automatically make healthier lifestyle choices. He concluded, “Our results suggest that using interventions based on curiosity gaps has the potential to increase participation in desired behaviors for which people often lack motivation. It also provides new evidence that curiosity-based interventions come at an incredibly small cost and could help push people toward a variety of positive actions. ”

When was the last time you talked proudly about being sensitive? Most likely, the answer is never. There are plenty of characters we take pride in, but being “sensitive” is usually considered as a weakness. The message sensitive people get isn’t to celebrate who they are. It’s that they should “overcome” their sensitivity.

However, sensitivity is largely genetic (遗传的), and not something you can turn off. It is a character connected to talent and something we should embrace. In fact, according to thirty years of research, it’s not only a healthy character, but it also serves as a big advantage.

As a personality character, being sensitive means you take in more information from your environment, and you do more with it. Sensitive people process information more deeply than others do. This changes the way you see the world. You probably notice what others miss, think, and feel deeply.

The most well-known sensitive gift is creativity. Sensitive people tend to be highly creative, and many — perhaps most — artists, musicians, and actors are themselves sensitive people.

But creativity doesn’t end with the arts. The same ability changes into innovation. Many of our greatest thinkers and scientists throughout history have been sensitive people, like Charles Darwin. Sensitive people have this ability to innovate because they tend to be deep thinkers who spend more time and energy turning problems over in their heads — and end up seeing more possibilities and solutions.

Sensitive people do pay a price for these gifts, however, by becoming overstimulated. Overstimulation is what happens when there is simply too much information for the brain to deal with. But sensitive people can learn to deal with it. For them, a little bit of quiet alone time goes a long way.

If any of this sounds like you, you might be more sensitive than you realize. If so, you have probably felt the pressure to hide it. But that’s a trap. You can’t make yourself less sensitive than you are and trying to do so only cuts you off from your gifts.

Instead, the single most important step you can take for yourself is what society has told you not to do your whole life: Stop hiding from your sensitivity. Embrace it, and show it to the world.