People have a complicated relationship with failure. While the basic idea of learning from failure is supported by evidence, most people fear it for their kids. No parent wants to see their children fail. Failing hurts. It is hard to see your daughter pour her heart into studying for a Math test, only to get a C. You want your children to succeed, but most of all you don't want to see them suffer.
The world often sees children as a reflection of their parents. The common belief is that when your teen fails, it reflects poorly on you. No one wants to be judged. As a result, parents slowly take over the responsibility of "managing" academics, athletics and relationships to prevent failure and pain.
But failure is a part of growing. Even though you have the best intentions, you have to let your kids fail. Teaching your children about failure changes your relationship from a "Responsible for" mindset (心态) to one of "Responsible to." Rather than feeling responsible for your daughter and her actions, you feel responsible to teach and let her deal with the situation.
Feeling "responsible for" children's actions can lead to parents overcompensating(过度补偿) for real or potential weaknesses. Skills like conflict solution, problem-solving and dealing with authority figures are important development markers for teenagers. When parents overcompensate for children's weaknesses they rob teens of opportunities to improve developmental skills.
Feeling "responsible to" teach and guide children allows parents to create space for failure and challenges. Teenagers can then use this space to perfect these important developmental skills. Over time, the weaknesses become strengths. When your children fail, you don't have to lower your standards for your kids, but you may have to change expectations. Remember, when you feel responsible to give your children more freedom, it changes how you deal with failure. Failure becomes a stepping stone to success rather than something to be avoided.
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