It wasn’t until I got into college and took a class on creative writing that I began to trust my own madness. The professor encouraged us to color outside the lines and trust our abilities as a writer. We had weekly sessions where we read each other’s work and had to give constructive criticism.

On our first assignment, I struggled with getting my ideas onto paper. I knew that kind of story I wanted to tell, but as a reserved young man, I was terrified of judgement from my peers. I was afraid they would think my writing was too dark or really messed up. But finally, after spending hours thinking of making the writing more socially acceptable, I decided to write it like I felt it.

In the next critique session, I was shocked at the reaction from my peers. There was some constructive criticism, which really helped me improve, but overall, they loved how realistic and convincing my writing was. At the end of the class, the professor asked me if she could use my assignment as a sample for her other classes to know that they can trust their own madness with their writing.

For the final we had a huge paper for which we had to write on Henry V. The professor encouraged me to write it in the voice I had developed in the creative writing class, so I did. The consequence was that she called it a graduate level paper and asked to use it as another sample.

That year I ended up winning a writing award. I also entered a writing contest online and out of hundreds of entries, got an honorable mention. And that was when I decided to have a shot at fiction.

Ever since Donald Trump was elected the president of the US, the entire Trump family has been put under a microscope. In China, the spotlight has been mainly focused on Trump and his daughter Ivanka. She is described on WeChat as an extremely influential role model with stunning beauty, a successful career, and a happy family. She leads a dream life that a million girls would kill for. Yes, she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. But she got where she is by herself.

There are always articles that say people born into wealthy families are better looking and have a better family background than you, but these people do work harder than you. Are you a loser if you were raised in an ordinary family? Should you feel guilty that you sleep eight hours a day because Ivanka sleeps five?

If you just want to keep a stable nine-to-five job, does it mean you are not ambitious? How about if you don’t work out or eat healthy, does that mean you will not find your Mr. or Miss Right? There is a tendency in media nowadays to encourage elitism. They are trying to brainwash young people into thinking that they should invest a huge amount of time and money in bodybuilding and appearance enhancement so as to improve the quality of their life and join the elites. But what’s the disadvantage of being of average quality? Do you really need to go to the gym five days a week unless you are a gym maniac (狂人)? Do you really need to break your neck and sacrifice to earn your first pot of gold only to worry constantly about how to be accepted into high society later?

Don’t let the idea of elitism get to you. Everybody has a right to live the life they want. Human beings should not be judged as a success or failure based on whether they are a part of the elite or not. As long as you lead a happy and comfortable life, why bother to chase after other people’s shadows? Choose your own life path and go for it.

When I was a little girl, a couple in our community went through a tragedy. They lost a young child and were in deep despair. Shortly afterward, my mother ran into the father at the local supermarket. He turned to my mother and said, “Your husband saved our life. He was the one more than anyone else who helped us get through this incredible loss.”

My mother wanted to know what message of solace was given to lift them from the depths of despair. So back at home, she asked my father about their conversation numerous times, but my father insisted that he had said nothing.

A few weeks later the couple came over to our home. After sitting down for a few minutes, my mother gently said, “You told me that my husband helped you the most when you went through your awful sadness. What did he say?”

The man paused. He then gave the secret of my father’s consolation (慰藉).

“Rebbetzin, your husband did not say one word. He just came over to our home and walked over to me without saying anything. And then he reached over to me, took my hands into his and hugged me. I looked up and saw tears falling from his eyes. You cannot imagine what that felt like. Your husband felt my pain. I was not sitting alone with my suffering.”

My mother was quiet, absorbing the message this man was giving.

“No, your husband did not speak. I didn’t need him to give me words. I needed his heart and soul.”

When I recall this story, I realize the truth.

When having someone in our lives who is going through difficulty, we are often at a loss. What do we say? How do we make it all better? What is the greatest gift we can give to our loved ones?

We tend to think that we must fill space with words. But when you want to give of yourself, give a listening heart. Sometimes a person in pain needs you to stay silent. Just show that you are there for them. Perhaps you can’t fix anything or take away the pain, but you can feel it. With the silence comes sympathy, understanding and empathy (共鸣). And you share the load.