Are you a talkative person? Do you like chatting with your colleagues? Every day around the world, most people who go to work avoid making small talk with their colleagues once they get there.
Some put on their headphones and keep their eyes low. Others will pretend to receive an urgent message that requires an immediate, life-or-death rapid response, which prevents them from doing pretty much anything else, including the conversation made while people are heating up lunch in the office microwave or while walking from the entrance of their office building to the nearest bus stop.
If those sound familiar or if you’ve convinced yourself that avoiding small talk with colleagues is smart self-preservation and that the risk of saying something offensive or coming across as socially unskillful is not worth the reward of connecting with somebody, then there is a bad piece of news—your false logic could be costing you a higher position at work.
Jamie Terran, a licensed career coach in New York City, said that small talk between colleagues builds rapport, which builds trust. “Rapport is the feeling that allows you to extend the deadline, or overlook smaller mistakes because it makes your colleagues to remember that we’re only human,” she added.
However, many people underestimate how much their conversation partners like them. But it’s not necessary. Imagine that after you have an awkward small talk with your colleague, do you think that the colleague you just talked with is a terrible conversationalist? No. You just feel bad about yourself. And you colleague feels the same about himself or herself.
If you’re generally anxious in social situations, Terran suggested coming up with questions or stories from which you can pull. “Whether or not you share personal information about yourself is up to you, but discussing things you truly care about always works,” she said. “Topics related to your professional field, for example, the sports you do well, is a great place to start.”
【小题1】How do most people avoid chatting with their colleagues?| A．By asking their colleagues to stay far away. |
| B．By getting themselves occupied on purpose. |
| C．By reading something unrelated to their work. |
| D．By devoting themselves fully to the deadlines. |
| A．Smart self-preservation. | B．Trust in their colleagues. |
| C．Professional and social skills. | D．A chance for job promotion. |
| A．Their colleagues will overwork their efforts. | B．They are likely to make more big mistakes. |
| C．Their colleagues may think poorly of them. | D．They will lose heart during the coming days. |
| A．Making up funny stories about others. | B．Talking about something you are good at. |
| C．Choosing serious topics for discussion. | D．Sharing private information about yourself. |
Friendships can bring joy or sorrow.
Broken promises
Friends are vital for our physical and mental well-being but these relationships aren’t always smooth sailing.
“Sometimes jealousy reveals our deepest desires,” says Dr. Yager. “Healthy envy can motivate you to become better and be inspired by your friend’s success,” she says. She points out that it could be the other way around as well: Your friends might be jealous of you.
Feeling left out
There’s no worse feeling than when you check Facebook Monday morning to find out that your friends went on a weekend getaway without you. Scott Christnelly, a therapist, says, “I encourage clients to express their feelings about it but also not to jump to conclusions.” Then find someone else to talk to — maybe a family member, or a close friend (not one who went on the trip)—to explain how you feel.
| A．Experiencing envy |
| B．But while it may be painful |
| C．Stopping to feel jealous of them |
| D．Friend breakups can be just as painful as a romantic split |
| E．In fact, it’s common to experience some serious hurt from your friends |
| F．Since there’s no rule book on what to do when things get tense or go south |
| G．Maybe through that conversation, you can brainstorm how you will respond |
Now, if you want to be charming, then you’ll need to build self-confidence, but becoming more outgoing is actually pretty easy. To get to a point at which you feel comfortable talking to complete stranger, follow these steps.
Encourage your curiosity about people.
Smile at others. Make it a goal to smile at one person a day. It can be anybody, and it can be the most subtle(微妙的) of smile. A quick glance paired with a smile---then run away if you want!
Ask people questions. The standard ”how are you?” doesn’t really count, because people use it as a greeting rather than a real question.
Note your body language.
| A．Master eye contact. |
| B．Never hesitate to smile at others. |
| C．Most of communication isn’t verbal. |
| D．The more you do it, though, the less scary it will be. |
| E．Make eye contact when you’re asking questions about people. |
| F．Wherever you go, try to observe people, and ask questions about them. |
| G．If you’ve already exchanged eye contact and smiles with someone, start off with a question, |
Many of us are hardwired NOT to ask for help. We think it makes us appear weak. We think people will say no. we think we have to do everything ourselves.
Get over yourself
No one—and I mean NO ONE----got anywhere alone. You cannot and should not do everything yourself. You are not, in fact, always the best person for the job, or the “only” person who can do it. asking for help is sign of strength, not weakness. Asking for help clears space for you and frees your time and energy.
Rebuild your thinking
Rebuild what it means to ask for help from “I am a weak, incompetent loser” to “I am strategically allocating my time to focus on what matters most.” Don’t focus on the fact that you can’t do something or don’t have the time.
Asking for help is about tapping valuable resources to get the best outcome the most quickly with the fewest resources expended. That’s a fancy way of saying “get the right people for the job.”
| A．Know your colleagues. |
| B．Think about your colleagues. |
| C．Your energy can’t be wasted. |
| D．It’s a smart strategy. |
| E．It’s all about building the right team. |
| F．Instead, think about what you will gain from the ask. |
| G．Whatever the reason, we don’t ask for the help we need. |
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