Researchers from the University of Western Australia recently studied 3,000 middle and high school students. Among them were 618 teenagers with one parent who lived away from home for long periods of time because of work. The researchers wanted to know how the work of these “fly-in, fly-out" parents might influence the health of their children.

A higher percentage of teenagers who experienced the long work absence of a parent had emotional or behavioral problems compared with those whose parents worked more traditional hours. This supports earlier research finding high percentages of emotional problems in teenagers who often returned to an empty house after school or whose parents were seldom at dinner.

Findings also suggest that parents don’t have to be home all the time to be present in their children’s lives, but it helps to be home at certain times. And the best parental presence for a teenager may sometimes be like a potted plant.

Many parents of teenagers have known this to be true and find ways to be present without trying to start a conversation. One friend of mine quietly does housework each evening in the sitting room where her teenagers watch TV.

They enjoy one another’s company without the need to talk. Another friend usually accepts his daughter's invitation to work or read nearby while she sits and does her homework. Perhaps, that, at least for some families, is the best way for a teenager and their parents to stay close.

In fact, many years of research suggest that children use their parents as a safe base from which to explore the world. Studies tell us that young children quietly follow their parents’ movements from room to room, even while carrying on with their own activities. Perhaps our teens, like babies, feel most at ease when their parents are still around. They don’t want to stay away from parents who allow them freedom.

A new school year is at hand, so as parents we could offer our teenagers a “potted flower" as a gift, whose quiet and steady presence will give them a great day.

When my daughter was seven years old, she came home from soccer practice clearly downhearted. When pressed, she told me what a teammate said: her teeth were too yellow. My heart broke for her. As parents, we tried hard to keep our children safe, but we can’t always be there to protect our kids from unkind words. I tried to console my daughter. I told her that shed has a beautiful smile with nice, strong healthy teeth. I fumbled(笨嘴拙舌)through an explanation of why she shouldn’t let someone else’s criticism define her. On the inside, though, I worried. From my youth, I’ve struggled with the concept that my self-worth was directly related to my physical appearance.

When I became a mom, I was terrified that this concept would take root in my daughter. I wanted to protect her little ears from sharp words that might twist her idea of self-worth. I wanted to shield her little eyes from unrealistic beauty standards spread by magazines, television, and movies. I wanted to guard her little heart from being broken by the belief that she didn’t measure up in some way.

On social media, the battle became much greater. Every day we are bombarded(轰炸)with people living their“best life”, all told through filters which only highlight the“best”parts：Best angles, best locations, best outfits, best hairstyle. Rarely do we get a glimpse of reality. On social media, outer beauty rules.

How, then, can we teach our kids that they are much more than their appearance? We can start by modeling kindness, empathy, and self-acceptance in our own lives. Kids are incredible mimics(模仿者), so be mindful of what you say, even when you think your kids aren’t listening. If we are constantly putting ourselves down, our kids will follow suit. Instead, adopt a positive attitude when it comes to your own self-worth. Additionally, make efforts to teach your children to see the inner beauty in themselves and in others. There’s beauty in goodness, gentleness, perseverance, and kindness. Praise kids for their acts of kindness, like sharing with a friend or helping a family member without being asked, and talk to them about how it makes them feel.

The vast majority of parents expect their children to grow up to be healthy, happy, and productive members of society. 【小题1】 If we don’t give parenting everything we’ve got, our kids will wind up unemployed, living in our basements, and there will be no one to blame but ourselves. That’s what I like to call the “perfect parent myth”.

The standards of perfection for parents these days are extremely high. Perfect parenting expectations begin with a drug free natural birth. Once our young are born we must breastfeed each baby for years. If we can’t breasted, we must at least feed on demand. 【小题2】 Let’s also not forget to organize our children’s days so they are engaged in educational pursuits in case they fall behind the curve (弯道). We must be involved in every aspect of our children’s schools. There is no free time for the perfect parent. 【小题3】

These standards are unreasonable. They’re also crazy. Parents can’t be perfect. Why? Because we’re human and so are our children. 【小题4】They are predictable and when they are unruly we can shut them down. Parenting is nothing like that.

【小题5】But, by the parent being less than perfect, the child will need to adapt and develop skills to overcome little disappointments. There is flexibility and room for real-life mistakes and limitations to our parenting abilities.