After a fight and before forgiveness often comes an apology. But saying “I'm sorry” comes more easily for some people than it does for others. Character is vital in creating a sincere apology. Those who lack character are not up to the task. They may try to give apologies that sound genuine. They may even use fancy words, but a real apology demands character. A new study suggests that specific personality traits offer clues about whether a person is likely to offer a sincere apology.

Psychologist Andrew Howell and his colleagues at Grant MacEwan University in Edmonton devised a questionnaire to measure a person’s willingness to beg someone’s pardon. They asked participants to indicate their level of agreement with a series of statements, such as “My continued anger often gets in the way of me apologizing” or “If I think no one will know what I have done, I am not likely to apologize.” The researchers then used the answers to determine every participant’s “proclivity（倾向））to apologize,” and they cross-referenced these scores with results from a variety of personality assessments.

From the beginning, Howell was confident that people with high marks for compassion and agreeability would be willing apologizers-and the study results confirmed his hypothesis（假设）. But the experiment also turned up some surprising traits of the unrepentant（不思悔改的）.

People with low self-esteem, for example, are less inclined to apologize, even though they probably feel bad after a conflict. Unlike people who experience guilt about a specific action and feel sorry for the person they have wronged, individuals who experience generalized shame may actually be feeling sorry for themselves.

In contrast, “people who are sure of themselves have the capacity to confess to wrongdoing and address it,” Howell suggests. But just the right amount of self-esteem is key. The study also found that narcissists-people who, in Howell’s words, “are very egocentric, with an overly grand view of themselves”—were reluctant to offer an apology.

The researchers were most surprised to find that a strong sense of justice was negatively correlated with a willingness to apologize, perhaps suggesting that contrition（忏悔）and “an eye for an eye” philosophy are incompatible（不能并存的）, Reconciliation（和解）may end a conflict, but it cannot always settle a score.

I was easily upset by the “bad things” before I met my secondary school English teacher Ms. Smith. I always believed bad luck hovering over me all the time. I seldom felt joy until that day when I helped Ms. Smith with her heavy documents to the office. She had got to know me and she told me a method to practise happiness.

If you are feeling that life just cannot be any worse for you, it can be challenging to think positive thoughts. When we are stressed, depressed, upset, or otherwise in a negative state of mind because we perceive that “bad things” keep happening to us, it is important to shift those negative thoughts to something positive. If we don’t, we will only attract more “bad things” .

Ms. Smith told me to say my practice out loud and with feeling! I started with one small, positive thing and repeated it during the course of my day, I began to move into a more positive situation: positive thoughts, feelings, opportunities. With practice, I found that over time, I changed my outlook and chose to be happy.

I began and ended each day with a “Thank you” for this wonderful, glorious day! When I saw the gas prices hiking, I said, “I am so glad that I am blessed to have a vehicle in which to get around. ” When I was late for work, I said, “I am so happy and grateful for my job as I know that many don’t have one. ”

The possibilities here are endless: insert what does work for you and feel good about it! The key is to move yourself into a positive thought and keep it there long enough to make it a moment of blissful peace. The more you practice, the happier you’ll be. I believe so, and have enjoyed my life ever since.

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class, named Kyle, was walking home from school, seemingly carrying all of his books. I wanted to lend him a hand. But I had quite a weekend planned, so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. Suddenly, a bunch of kids running at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him when he crawled around looking for his glasses. “Hey, thanks!” He said as I handed him his glasses. There was a big smile on his face.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors and leaving for college, Kyle was valedictorian (毕业致辞者) of our class.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his belongings home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize the depth of my small help.