Six days a week, up and down the red hills of northeast Georgia, my grandfather brought the mail to the folks there. At age 68, he retired from the post office, but he never stopped serving the community.

On his 80th birthday, I sent him a letter, noting the things we all should be thankful for—good health, good friends and good outcomes. By most measurements he was a happy man. Then I suggested it was time for him to slow down. At long last, in a comfortable home, with a generous pension, he should learn to take things easy.

“Thank you for your nice words,” he wrote in his letter back, “and I know what you meant, but slowing down scares me. Life isn’t having it made; it’s getting it made.”

“The finest and happiest years of our lives were not when all the debts were paid, and all difficult experiences had passed, and we had settled into a comfortable home. No. I go back years ago, when we lived in a three-room house, when we got up before daylight and worked till after dark to make ends meet. I rarely had more than four hours of sleep. But what I still can’t figure out is why I never got tired, never felt better in my life. I guess the answer is that we were fighting for survival, protecting and providing for those we loved. What matters are not the great moments, but the partial victories, the waiting, and even the defeats. It’s the journey, not the arrival, that counts.”

The letter ended with a personal request: “Boy, on my next birthday, just tell me to wake up and get going, because I will have one less year to do things—and there are ten million things waiting to be done.”

Christina Rossetti, an English poet, once said: “Does the road wind uphill all the way? Yes, to the very end.” Today, at 96, my grandfather is still on that long road, climbing.

Family love is one of the most valuable gifts in life and one that you cannot buy anywhere. Whether you have a close relationship with your family depends on you. 【小题1】

【小题2】

You’ve probably heard the song lyric, “A house is not a home, when there is no one there to hold you tight”. What changes a house into a home is true love. Love strengthens the connection, while anger tears it apart.

Give Freedom

It doesn’t matter whatever position you have in a family; you need to give freedom to the other members of it. 【小题3】Freedom is one of the most basic needs of humanity and one of the greatest gifts in life.

Learn to Forgive

There will always be differences in personalities and preferences between family members. Because of these differences, disagreements happen. And it’s unwise to react straight away, to jump to conclusions and start an argument. 【小题4】

This gives you a better understanding and the ability to forgive more easily.

Look for Solutions

Family life is not a battlefield. Do not focus on problems; instead focus on the solutions. Although we are all expected to be responsible for our actions, it still feels more comfortable for some to put the blame on others. 【小题5】This is one of the fastest ways to bring you closer to your family.

Many parents have learned the hard way that what sounds like open communication is often the very thing that closes a youngster’s ears and mouth. One common mistake is the Lecture, the long monologue that often starts with “When I was your age” Eighteen-year-old Kelly calls lectures “long, one-side discussions in which I don’t say much.”

Kids reflexively(条件反射地)shut down in the face of a lecture. Their eyes glaze over(呆滞),and they don’t register any incoming information. Listen to 13-year-old Sarah describe her least favorite times with her mom and dad. “First, they scream. Then comes the ‘We’re so disappointed’ speech. Then the ‘I never did that to my parents’ lecture begins. After that, even if they realize how ridiculous they sound they never take it back.”

Lines like “When you have children of your own, you’ll understand” have been seriously said by parents since time immemorial. But many of our expert parents, like Bobby, a registered nurse and mother of three, feel that by falling back on clichés(陈词滥调)to justify your actions, we weaken our position.

Since kids are creatures of here and now, the far-off future has no relevance to them. Therefore, good communicators like Bobby suggest, “Give specific reasons for your actions in present language: ‘I’m not letting you go to the party because I don’t think there will be enough adult supervisions.’”

Betty, who lives in Missouri, uses an indirect approach. “I find that warnings are accepted more readily if I discuss a news article on a subject I am concerned about. My husband and I talk about it while our children absorb the information. Then they never think I’m preaching(布道).”

This really helped when Betty’s kids began driving. Instead of constantly repeating “Don’t drink; don’t speed,” she would talk about articles in the paper and express sympathy for the victims of a car crash. Betty made no special effort to draw her kids into the conversation. She depended on a teenager’s strong desire to put in his opinions---especially if he thinks he isn’t being asked for them.